Bom chicka wah wah

Celebrities. The source of entertainment. The source of fantasy. The source of pleasure. Particularly the ones which take Celebrity Reality TV shows to an entirely new level. A level which only previously existed in our filthy minds. Minds riddled with more bom chicka wah wah scenarios than Tiger Woods'. Is that even humanly possible? Nes. That's a No/Yes combined. Nes.

We mere mortals think celebrities are just there for our entertainment. For our pastime. For our whatever. That you take them out of their box. Recharge their battery. Put them infront of a camera. That's it. Then placed them back in the box again until the next production.

This was many people's perception of celebrities before Twitter. But this isn't entirely true. As it turns out, celebrities do infact operate all on their own. Batteries not included. Seriously.

Reasons Why Celebrities Don't Notice Tweeple

1. Overcrowded - On Twitter, no one can hear you scream. Why? Because everybody else is screaming much louder than you. It's a scream-off competition for celebrity attention. Everyone is reacting like the Jonas Brothers' fans. Even if you're asking your favorite celebrity the most genuine question it'll only get drowned out by excessive noise.
2. Exclusive - Twitter is an exclusive party. Celebrities tweet with celebrities. You're not invited. VIPs only. Thousands say hi to celebrities daily on Twitter. You won't get a peep back. Suddenly, a random celebrity whom they aren't even friends with says hi to them. Guess who they're going to say hi back to? Last name You, First name Not. That's who.
3. Traffic - It's a one way traffic. It's a one way relationship. There's no interaction. They'll throw you a bone every now and then in a form of, "Hi everybody, how are you all?" Cue thousands of people stumbling over themselves replying with an overwhelming amount of tweets. 90% of which are, "OMG your so great pls reply back. love youuuuu!!1! <333."
4. Heartbreak - There's no point of trying to interact with celebrities on Twitter. No point of replying to their tweets. Or asking them any questions. Or telling them how awesome they are. To which they'll just only reply - that's just it - they never reply. Why? Because they're heartbreakers. It'll just end in tears like in 'Marley & Me.' Don't judge us.
5. Ordinary - Some celebrities want to be left alone to live an ordinary life on Twitter. Recent findings via the Twitter stream reveal that celebrities do infact have a life of their own. They eat. They sleep. And do other very mundane stuff too. Which are all very fascinating to people - judging by the thousands of followers celebrities have.

Outdated junk

Nobody subscribes to RSS Feeds anymore. Okay. That's a lie. Let's try again. Nobody cares about RSS Feed anymore. That's better. It's also very true.

Once upon a time before Twitter's popularity, the number of RSS Feed subscribers a blog had was important. Very important. This is what bloggers bragged about. Not anymore.

RSS feed is what Yahoo Search used to be before Google emerged. RSS Feed is what MySpace used to be before Facebook rained on its parade. RSS Feed is what Kanye West's career used to be before the Taylor Swift incident. RSS Feed is dead. Twitter holds the smoking gun.

Next time you submit a new blog post, tweet it. Then sit back and bask in the frenzy of people stumbling over themselves retweeting it. It's like watching piranhas feeding. tweeding. Piranhas tweeding.

Reasons Why Twitter Is Better Than RSS Feed

1. Dead Feed - Subscribing is a chore and people are lazy. That's a catastrophic combination. The time it takes to login to Google Reader to read feeds, you could have read 7 tweets already. Maybe even 16 if you're following Alyssa Milano. Definitely much more if you're following us. RSS Feed is outdated. It expired last decade.
2. Joining Twitter - The world gets on Twitter the second they awake in mornings. Before brushing their teeth. Before breakfast. Before number one. Before number two. While looking like a hot mess. But they don't care. They're tweeting. That's what counts. Tweeting. If you aren't tweeting before your first morning yawn, you're letting the world down.
3. More readers - Everybody's on Twitter. Even people who don't tweet have an account. Why? Because they know they're going to tweet someday. They have to. It sucks you in. It calls to you - "Tweet, tweet, tweet." Jennifer Lopez registered on Twitter to tell everyone she won't be tweeting much. Re-read that sentence. See what happened there?
4. More attention - People stare at their twitter stream endlessly. Hoping on the next tweet somebody includes a link to something. Anything. Whatever. Just so they have something to RT. Probably most of your blog readers follow you on Twitter, but aren't subscribed to your RSS Feed. It's these readers that need to be informed about your new posts via tweets.
5. Instant feedback - Most bloggers only tweet their "important" posts, and let the RSS Feed do the rest of the work. Bad choice. Similarly, YouTubers rarely tweet their content. They rely on YouTube subscriptions. They assume everybody that follows them on Twitter is also subscribed to them on YouTube. That's naive. Want people to notice your work? Tweet it.

The sandwich cried wolf

There's nothing wrong with asking for a retweet every now and then. But one should keep it at a respectable level. Asking perhaps once a month. Preferably never a year.

Asking for retweets is an annoyingly annoying annoyance. As annoying as alliteration itself. Partially because very rarely worthy content gets retweeted. There are far too many twrigger happy retweeters out there.

Try not to be a person who cries wolf. If you must insist on having something RTed, it better be an article on cure for cancer. Otherwise, gradually people will become desensitized to your RT pleas. They'll become immune to your cry for help. It will come a time, where no matter how genuinely important your request for RT is, it won't have any impact. You don't want your reputation to get to this point. That's the point of no return. That's the Twittersphere throwing you to the wolves. Very hungry wolves.

Reasons Why Asking For Retweets Is Bad

1. Value - Asking for your tweets to be retweeted lowers its value. Instantly. If your tweet is worthy of retweet, it'll get retweeted. Don't ask for it. You'll be ecstatic once others RT it without you asking. It'll put a smile on your face. Smile of gratification. Merited satisfaction. Deserved RT. You'll feel like an Olympic champion.
2. Begging - There's this person. Has great content. Tons of followers. Doesn't even need to ask for RT. But every now and then begs for their content to be retweeted - "rt maybe? ;)", "RT please? :)", "RT guys? <333", - and that's just only three of their requests. To everybody. On separate occasions. Great content or not, that's a toe curlingly cringy behavior.
3. Desperate - If you need to keep asking for retweets to receive them, that says something about the quality of your tweets. It also reeks of desperation. Your followers can smell desperation. They'll pick up on it quick. They'll either unfollow you or retweet you out of pitty. The latter is catastrophic. Being unfollowed is always better than a pity RT.
4. Spam - By asking for retweets you're indirectly spamming hundreds. It sets off a chain reaction. A spammy chain reaction. Indirectly spamming people who aren't even interested in your tweet. How? Because out of politeness, your followers RTed you. As a result, their followers are getting spammed.
5. Inconsederate - Is the tweet you want retweeted really relevant? Will it be valuable to your followers' followers? You probably cant answer that. You're not psychic. It's best not ask for retweets. Let your followers be the judge of it. If they feel it'll benefit their followers, they'll RT. Try not to force the issue. It puts your followers in an awkward place.