5 Hurtful Words: Being Unfollowed On Twitter Hurts!

Twitter woman unfollowed
She's wants a tweesome

Nothing hurts more than rejection. Especially the one on Twitter. Realizing you've been unfollowed. It's usually because being followed feels great.

People's hearts beat faster when they get on Twitter for the first time that day and notice 3 more people have followed them. It's such an adrenalin rush. This is what bungee-jumping must feel like. Or a date with Jessica Biel must feel like. A date with Jessica Biel dressed in a Twitter outfit. Imagine Jessica Biel in a Twitter outfit? Think Catwoman costume but in light-blue. Then tweet each other after the date. Invite Justin Timberlake to join the discussion too. It's called a tweesome.

Reasons Why Getting Unfollowed On Twitter Hurts

  1. Unawareness - When you're unfollowed on Twitter, you're forced to live with the heavy burden of obliviousness. The unknown. The unawareness. There's no closure. No reason. No goodbye. Just raw pain.

  2. Awareness - When your love-interest suddenly unfollows you, you know exactly what went wrong. There's only two ways to deal with this - apologize or cry. Doing both simultaneously is usually the most effective.

  3. Stats - The unwritten rule on Twitter is that your 'Followers' compared to people you're 'Following' should be at a respectable ratio of 2:1. Every person that unfollows you brings your stats closer to one of a spambot.

  4. Reality - We all live in a fantasy in which our tweets are awesome. A fantasy where our tweets are brilliant. Then we realize half of our followers are bots. The other half don't even log into Twitter anymore.

  5. Unfair - When unfollowed, they usually block you too. It's unfair as you can't tweet them repeatedly anymore for an explanation demanding solid evidence regarding the indecent that led them to unfollow you. So unfair.

5 (Duh!) Reasons Celebrities Ignore You On Twitter

Twitter Paris Hilton
Bom-chicka-wah-wah

Celebrities. The source of entertainment. The source of fantasy. The source of pleasure. Particularly the ones which take Celebrity Reality TV shows to an entirely new level. A level which only previously existed in our promiscuous minds. Minds riddled with more bom-chicka-wah-wah scenarios than Tiger Woods' life. Is that even possible? Nes. That's a No/Yes combined. Nes.

We all assume celebrities exist entirely for our entertainment. That you take them out of their box. Recharge their battery. Put them in front of a camera. Then placed them back in the box again until the next production. But that's just a myth.

Reasons Why Celebrities Don't Notice People

  1. Overcrowded - On Twitter, no one can hear you scream. Everyone else is screaming much louder than you. It's a scream-off competition for celebrity attention. You'll always get drowned out by excessive tweet pollution.

  2. Exclusive - Twitter is an exclusive party. Celebrities tweet with celebrities. You're not invited. VIPs only. Thousands say hi to celebrities daily on Twitter. But won't get a reply. If you did get a reply, you're a celebrity.

  3. Traffic - It's a one way traffic. A one way relationship without interaction. They'll throw you a bone occasionally in a form of, "Hi everybody :-)" - cue thousand of people stumbling over themselves replying all at once.

  4. Ignored - There's no point of trying to connect with celebrities on Twitter. Or asking them any questions. To which they'll just only reply - that's just it - they never reply. Why? Because you're ignored.

  5. Ordinary - Celebrities do actually have an ordinary life of their own. They eat. They sleep. And do very mundane stuff too. Which is all very fascinating to people, judging by the volume of followers celebrities have.

5 Twitter Effects (Subscribing To RSS Feed Is So Yesterday!)

Twitter RSS woman
Size used to matter

Nobody cares about RSS Feed anymore. Once upon a time before Twitter's popularity, the number of RSS Feed subscribers a blog had was important. Very important. This is what bloggers bragged about. This is how bloggers used to get so much cybersex on Facebook. By bragging about the size of their Feed. Size used to matter. Not anymore.

RSS feed is what Yahoo Search used to be before Google emerged. RSS Feed is what MySpace used to be before Facebook rained on its parade. RSS Feed is what Chris Brown's career used to be before the Rihanna incident. Now, everybody watches Ashton Kutcher getting all the action.

Reasons Why Twitter Is Better Than RSS Feed

  1. Chore - Reading through a Feed is a chore and people are lazy. That's a catastrophic combination. The time it takes to just go though your Feeds to read, you could have read 19 tweets already.

  2. Exposure - Probably most of your blog readers follow you on Twitter, but aren't subscribed to your RSS Feed. It's these readers that need to be informed about your new posts via tweets. Twitter enhances exposure.

  3. Popular - Everybody's on Twitter. Even people who don't tweet have an account. Why? Because they know they're going to tweet someday. They have to. It sucks you in. It calls to you.

  4. Feedback - Twitter provides instant feedback. Some bloggers miss this opportunity by only tweeting their "important" posts. Naively assuming everybody that follows them on Twitter is also subscribed to their Feed.

  5. Speed - The world log-into Twitter the second they awake in mornings. Before brushing their teeth. Before breakfast. Before number one. Before number two. Even before number three.